School children: What is the point of them?

On arriving at the theatre that was previously the prison I was approached (accosted) by a very attentive and helpful (intimidating and demanding) customer service officer. I was then put very firmly on the spot.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm just here..." an ellipsis that turned haphazardly to a facial expression of puzzlement.
"... for the thing..."

"Oh o.k." she said. "There's going to be a lot of kids here this morning so you'd be best to sit in the balcony."

An admirable suggestion and advice I was more than happy to follow.

I made my way to the salubrious surrounds of the balcony and thought, "Gee, this is a neat place." I started to entertain thoughts of being a sophisticated chap from a long-ago era. Perhaps a 1950s theatre going New Yorker. As I sat waiting for the cigarette girl with a becoming smile to offer me tobacco products a stream of seriously undersized people started to flow in. It was an invasion. And by the look of them they would have no mercy. I momentarily found myself fearing grievous bodily harm.

an admittedly extreme option, but could these guys be used to sort australia's obvious problem with school children?

Fortunately my dread passed once I noticed the admirable school teachers take control without resorting to throwing any of the school "children" over the balcony.

Then the main event got under way. A wacky and zany chat transpired. It even involved a moment of casual chauvinism when a distinctly grey headed chap mentioned that he was going to abscond to a deserted tropical island with Scarlett Johansson. That's great. And by "great" I mean creepy. 

I'm guessing I probably am not the target demographic for this particular sort of forum.

Although I did emerge with a new respect for school teachers.